If this is it . . . please let me know.

My tag line no doubtfully now has Huey Lewis & The News now stuck in your mind (give it a minute). But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and when I came across this blog post I couldn't help but think wow. Some of the points are right and some not so much just for me. The blog was called "This Is 38. This Is Midlife". The author says:

Thirty-eight is solidly in the middle of my life. Thirty-eight is realizing that there are likely as many years behind me as there are ahead. It is acknowledging that life is no longer a green field, that certain doors are closed, that some choices are irrevocable and that many of the big what-ifs that haunted my childhood have been answered. Thirty-eight is also realizing that despite these answers, there are far, far more new questions.

Thirty-eight is new lines at the sides of my eyes and mouth. From smiling, maybe, but still.

Thirty-eight is wearing my wedding ring all the time, and my engagement ring only rarely. 

Thirty-eight is not knowing which band was my wedding band and which my husband gave me on the day our daughter was born, because they are identical. I don't think it matters. Thirty-eight is wearing my mother's wedding ring for a time, when she was unable to. Thirty-eight is knowing that one of my favorite pictures from our long-ago wedding shows that I wore my grandmother's ring on my right hand when I walked down the aisle.

Thirty-eight is realizing that certain shorts and skirts are now just too short. Thirty-eight is wondering if this is the summer to put away the bikinis.

Thirty-eight is thirteen years of marriage. It is knowing all the ways that marriage is both less and more than I thought it was, when I walked into a church wearing white and hearing thunder. Less score-keeping, less candlelight, less drama. More small acts of kindness, more forgiveness, more abiding. Fewer flowers, but more cups of coffee made exactly how I like them, without being asked, brought to me in bed in the morning.

Thirty-eight is realizing that my lifetime passion for peonies probably has something to do with their life span, which is as short as it is spectacular. It can't be an accident that I love best of all the flowers that blaze more brightly and most briefly.

Thirty-eight is not having any more grandparents. It is hearing about the illness and death of my friends' parents. It is going to funerals, and also christenings, more often than weddings. Thirty-eight was leaving my injured mother's side before surgery a couple of years ago to run home to my daughter, who was crying that I wasn't spending enough time with her. Thirty-eight is the middle place.

Thirty-eight is knowing who your friends are, for real, for certain. It is understanding that though there will be a small handful of true native speakers, it is OK for many friends to access only certain parts of you. These friendships, while different, can offer great joy, deep laughter and tremendous companionship. Thirty-eight is still learning that not everybody will like you, no matter what you do.

Thirty-eight is drinking homemade green juice and Diet Coke most days. It is developing a taste for kombucha, and drinking coffee with coconut milk and xylitol. It is drinking wine still, but not as much, because I'd rather sleep and I've realized that alcohol interferes with that.

Thirty-eight is finding that each year she grows more sensitive, more aware of life's beauty and pain, more attuned to the world around her. Thirty- eight cries every single day, and laughs that much too (see: lines on my face).

Thirty-eight is in the heart of the grand love affair that is motherhood, both smitten by and exasperated by her daughter and son. Thirty-eight is watching, awestruck, as these children develop into people in whom bloom traits uncomfortably familiar and absolutely foreign in equal measure. Thirty-eight reads Harry Potter aloud, packs lunches, drives to and from soccer and hockey and baseball practices and games (see photo), plans surprise adventure outings and can still make a bruised knee feel better with a kiss.

Thirty-eight is its own kind of phosphorescence. Different than ten's ephemeral incandescence, but no less dazzling and no less fleeting. Just like 10, just like life itself, 38 is bewilderingly beautiful, maddeningly confusing, achingly bittersweet and vanishingly transient.
 
Here is my spin on 38:

To start I'm am closer to 39 than 38 but I don't feel like I'm midlife yet and I'm certainly not having a midlife crisis. I plan to live well into my late 80s or God hoping 90s provided I'm not in a diaper, in a nursing home and can't remember my daughter. B-man says he's going to outlive me so he better take good care of me when I'm older. I agree that certain doors in my life are closed or closing and I have to accept that. I have one event this month that is a significant door closing and truthfully it is very hard for me to accept that. I still cry at the thought of it.

 
Thirty-eight is noticing the brown spots on the side of my face and that my hands look older. I don't have my grandmother's hands but still they are not as smooth as they use to be. I might have crows feet forming but I haven't noticed them yet.

Thirty-eight is explaining to my daughter (as she is playing with my rings) that one day she will get to keep my engagement ring which in turn makes me think of my mom's engagement ring (that my sister has). I have my grandmother's engagement ring and I've been debating on having it reset into a necklace for Smiley.

Thirty-eight is realizing that I can't really wear shorts anymore and that some skirts are just too short for anyone.

Thirty-eight is focusing even more on my hair. Length, style, cut and of course how many grey hairs there are. I have been "changing" colors since I was 18 (thank you genetics) and with my hair being dark brown those little buggers show up really bad. I've been using the wash out dyes for a few years now but I'm noticing I have to use them more and more. Trying to put off the full head dye job for a while longer. NO I am not going to let it go naturally. Again I'm only 38.

Thirty-eight is six years of marriage. It is knowing that romance isn't wine, roses and candles every night. It really is the little things. Surprise goodies from the grocery store. Letting each other watch the TV program they want. Asking if it is O.K. before planning an activity (knowing that permission isn't required, but it still nice if they check with you in case you had plans already).

Thirty-eight is not having any more grandparents. It is hearing about the illness and death of my friends' parents. It is going to funerals. Thirty-eight is feeling and acting like the grownup when life gets hard for friends and family.

Thirty-eight is laughing at the stories that teenagers and early 20 somethings tell about how life is "sooo hard". Hearing them talk about their part time job and now having bills to pay or a 6 page paper to write for school. LOL ahhh the good ole days. I really do find myself telling those kids to enjoy it now because being an adult sucks sometimes. Be a kid as long as you can.

Thirty-eight is knowing that I know a lot of people but I don't have a lot of close friends. I can be a very guarded person (some people translate that into I'm a snob or a witch [insert the B]) thanks to things that have happened in my past so I don't open up all the way to everyone. I have some tried and true friends that I know I can call at any time to talk with. I treasure those people and they will always be in my life. Thirty-eight is accepting that not everyone will like you and being O.K. with that.

Thirty-eight is knowing that I can't stay up past 11 pm anymore without being wiped out and sleeping in is 8:00 in the morning. Sigh I miss the days of staying up to 2 and getting up at noon. LOL. I just can't do it anymore. Heck I put Smiley to bed each night and then I'm off to bed myself not to long after that. Whew. Don't be jealous!

Thirty-eight is sitting on the couch watching my 2 1/2 year old play and be completely amazed at the little person she has become and wondering where that little baby went. Wondering more about making her future solid than anything else in the world. Trying to find ways to keep her entertained and challenged. Hoping things come more naturally and easily for her than they did for me. Praying she gets the best of her father and her mother. Laughing when she does something or acts just like me. I've used the phrase "she comes by it honestly" too much lately it is scary.

Thirty-eight is playing the lottery regularly and plotting out how I will spend the money (buy x type of house; put x amount away for college; pay off bills; putting money aside to grow interest so you never have to work again unless you want to; the trips I would take; a small business I would like to start). Sadly its all logical ways to spend money. Sadly the most I have ever won was $5. 

Thirty-eight is thinking to myself so is this all that my life is cracked up to be? I had imagined when I was approaching 40 that I would have be in a very different place. I'd be wealthier (not a richie rich but still have more income). I'd be in a modest house with my family (husband, 2 kids and at least 1 dog). I've got the family to include one child and one dog (who sadly is 14 and i know won't be with us for many more years) but I'm in a townhouse that I expected would be a starter kind of place not a long term place. I'd have traveled more (across the U.S. and abroad). I'd be more active than I am. I don't know I just expected more from my life at this point in time.

I guess that's what makes us all scared of growing older, we don't really know what to expect because we have ideas of what life will be like at x age and when you get there, surprise it isn't everything you expected. Maybe its just me.

And not so much!

So today marks the end of Lent for me. I know Easter is still a few days away but because I am in the choir at church I will begin singing at various masses tonight through Sunday so in my mind Lent is over. It got me to looking back this morning as I brushed my teeth as to how I did with Lenten appeals. I have successfully managed to not eat red meat this whole time . . . and yes it is literally killing me!

I am so done with chicken. I've never been a big fan of it to start with (my husband just gasped I know it) so what made me think I could manage to eat more chicken and like it. Nope. I think I dislike it even more now. I will never, ever, ever, ever (yes I'll say never again) do that again. I tried to keep my whining to a minimum but I know I did it. I think next week we will have red meat in one way shape or form next week. Oh sure I ate turkey, pork and some fish too but chicken was the majority of our food choices and I'm done with it. I might try giving up Facebook next year. I know several people who do it and I think I might go that route next year.

I loved the post that I read about 40 bags/40 days. Basically for those who don't know each day during lent you clean out an area of your home and put whatever you don't want in a bag. You can either throw the contents away, save it to sell in a yard sale or give away. You get to choose the size of your bag (trash bag, body bag, plastic bag from Target/Walmart, etc). I started out a few days late in lent but had a great plan to do this. I went and bought white trash bags and started in one room each night after work. This lasted 3 whole days. I did manage to get one small section of my den a little bit more organized. And I even sold several items. Whoo hoo. I found myself with great intentions but a lack of push to keep it going. I am still going to try and work on this concept because I have too much crap (some good, some bad, some just plain crap that needs to go). To those who did this - kudos to you. My ADHD must have kicked in because I just couldn't focus enough to do it.

Spring is officially here, although mother nature seems to be holding onto later winter here in VA this week. I don't get it. On Saturday I wore capris and flip flops. By Wednesday I was wearing boots and a jacket and cleaning frost off my windshield. No wonder my nose is going nuts and I'm sneezing all day long. UGH. Good thing I take drugs for that.

I hate to look back at my New Years Promises to see how wonderfully I am doing on that front. So as to not depress myself any further (after all it was tax day on Tuesday and lets just say no return for us, instead a nice little check was written to Uncle Sam) I am just going to wrap it up.

It's my Friday so I'm going to treat myself to a bagel and get my day going.

Hey! Where did you learn to drive?

Every morning and every afternoon as I make my way to and from work I have a tendency to question my fellow commuters and where they learned to drive. I'm constantly amazed at the lack use of the turn signal. Seriously it is a simple little finger maneuver that takes a second to do. The biggest things that always get me are people who don't even try and stop as a stop sign (rolling stops . . . seriously) and a 3 way or 4 way stop sign. Hello were you not taught who goes next? It made me think, maybe all drivers should be required to retake the written test every couple of years, like every 5th year. I would hope I would pass the test right now but who knows. Could you?

These Dreams Go On When I Close My Eyes

"These dreams go on when I close my eyes". Now that I have an all time great Heart song stuck in your head I want to discuss with you my dreams.

Not my hopes, dreams and wishes for a brights and sunny future. Nope, I want to talk about those crazy things that happen in my brain when I close my eyes at bed time and try to rest. Try being the key word. I always wonder why I'm so tired in the morning and truthfully I blame it on my mind. I dream pretty much every night and I remember a good portion of at least one dream that I have each night.

My dreams come in all shapes and sizes. I dream in color and I dream like I am watching a movie or TV show but yet I am one of the characters partaking in the dream. Crazy I know. But wait it gets better. My favorite part of my dream. I dream in thin. That means I am the size that I would like to be, not what I am right now. Oh and my hair always seems to look good.

My most common dream is about zombies. Yep I dream about them regularly. I'm a bit obsessed with them but they scare the crap out of me. Ghosts - nope. Vampires - nope. Strange creatures that go bump in the night - nope. Zombies - Hell yeah! The good news is despite the fact I had a zombie dream just the other night I have noticed that as of late I've been dreaming about my dream house. The other night it was moving day into the dream house and I was so excited. The rooms (suites I should say) were color coded. I was also excited to see how my dream kitchen had turned out. Ahh it was a nice dream. Much better than being chased by zombies.

While the house dream is not the same every time (zombie dreams can be the same) it still seems to be a reoccurring theme in my mind at bed time. Not too long ago we were touring our new house - not MY dream house but apparently the one we were moving into. B-man had been behind the buying of this house. The problem was it was really small and the layout was not what I wanted. Heck the downstairs powder room had no doors on it - just a cubby like place with the toilet there so people coming in and out of the house could see you and chat. Ewe! The cool part of the dream was about the building of the house. In order to buy and live in the house you had to actually participate in the construction of the home. Don't know where it came from but it is a cool concept. Makes for a vested interest don't you think. Kind of reminds me of Habitat for Humanity.

I promise you I don't eat spicy or crazy things before bedtime so I can't pin the dreams on that. I don't even watch shows like Walking Dead (I tried to get into it but just couldn't) before I go to bed. I don't know its just I have an overactive imagination I think.

I've bought dream analysis books before and I've heard from lots of people what they think is causing my dreams. I just find it curious that I don't meet many people who have such active dreaming as I do or at least they don't remember it. I'm sure if I went to psychologist or therapist they would probably say I'm nuts or make me a case study. I just can't imagine I'm the only one out there with this crazy dream process.

Anyone else dream like I do and/or remember their dreams so frequently? Just curious.

40 Bags in 40 Days

Well it's Ash Wednesday and that means it is lent and I have chosen to give up red meat and tonight I'll get my ashes. I had popped onto facebook and I saw this posting by a friend of mine:

So what is 40 Bags in 40 Days?


Its a forty day period in the spring (coinciding with the 40 days of Lent) where you focus on cleaning one area per day. In this one area you challenge yourself to declutter, simplify, decrapify, and get rid of things you don’t need. The goal is one bag a day but you can have more or less. The 2014 challenge officially goes from Wednesday, March 5th to Saturday, April 19th. Sundays are your day off. You can start it whenever you are finding this post, we’ll still be here to cheer you on!

Where do I put it all?

The stuff can get organized, donated, given to a family member or friend, go in a garage sale pile, to Freecycle, get sold, or go into the garbage. Just get it out of your house.



What a great idea, I am going to try and do this.

I like winter ... but seriously!

To quote Bing Crosby's song SNOW from the motion picture White Christmas:

Snow
It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow
I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow
Snow
I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow
Where it's snowing
All winter through
That's where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the snow-oh-oh-oh-oh
Those glist'ning houses that seem to be built of snow
Snow
Oh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow
What is Christmas with no snow
No white Christmas with no snow
Snow
I'll soon be there with snow
I'll wash my hair with snow
And with a spade of snow
I'll build a man that's made of snow
I'd love to stay up with you but I recommend a little shuteye
Go to sleep
And dream
Of snow

Most years you will hear me tell people I love winter and I love snow. Winter is my second favorite season. I love the cold air, the snow falling on the ground, wearing my favorite sweatshirt, wearing boots and all the yummy foods that I am inspired to make during the winter. I love watching snow fall. I love playing in the snow. I love winter. Now with that being said. I'm so over winter this year.

Why? Well one reason is it is almost March and I think of warmer weather in March and April.  We got a great tease with the 60 degree weather last weekend. But mostly because of the snow and ice. Unlike when I was a young girl, I don't get to stay home from work when it snows. I don't get a 2 hour delay. I don't work for the county or the govie so off to work I go. My company is based out of Boston, Mass - they laugh at us down here. I can't really telework because come on have you tried to work with a 2 year old who is home from daycare who wants to sit in your lap and bang on your computer and then wants you to play or wants to have a meltdown about the dog eating her cracker.

Also I get so annoyed with my fellow drivers. Don't get me wrong I am all about caution when driving in less than perfect conditions but seriously, if you are that afraid to drive just stay home. You are worse than the speed demons who think just because they have a 4x4 that they can drive like crazy people. How about a happy medium? I'd rather follow that semi down the road than you morons. Oh and the salt trucks. Thank you to the men and women who drive them along with the plows - but seriously can you not try and destroy my windshield. I replaced that last year and don't want to do it again this year.

Winter I'm sorry but I'm breaking up with you. Please allow spring to move in and cause allergies to go bucknutty. I'm through with you say December comes back around. I'll probably have forgiven you by then and welcome you with open arms again. Oh and can you send a note to summer and ask her to leave the 98% humidity in another state this year. Thanks so much.

DIY 2014 Update

OK so I have an update on my bathroom remodel. I've found the tile that looks like hardwood and I'm in love with it (pecan is the color). I've narrowed down the wall colors to 2 shades and I think I may have chosen between the two. So to my friends out there who have done this type of thing:

Do I take the baseboards off before I start tiling? I know I'll have to remove the tack strip at the door where the carpet meets the linoleum. Also I am pretty sure I need to remove the wood strip between the linoleum and the baseboards. But do I/Should I remove the baseboards before tiling?
- If I do anyone have a nailer that can help me put them back up?
- If I do, should I just invest in new baseboards?
- Can I get them precut at the box store? I'm terrible at math so the measure twice cut once would be more like measure 50 cut 10 probably.

Ugh I have a feeling this is going to be a bigger pain in the butt than my husband wants to experience.

2014 Winter Olympics

I'm so excited that the Olympics are almost here! I'm such a junkie for the opening and closing ceremonies. I love to watch the games. I don't watch every sport but I do try and catch certain things like Ice Skating and Hockey. But I'm certainly interested in learning more about Curling and watching the Women's ski jumping! I might tune in to see Shaun White compete too.

I bet it has to be exciting to be an Olympic athlete. Tops in your sport that you can make the team to represent your country. How exciting is that. Even if you don't win a medal you are an amazing athlete in my books. Heck I'm a couch potato so you all amaze me.

I have to admit I get all teary-eyed by P&G Olympic mom commercials. You know the ones where it starts out that moms all over the world are waking their tiny kids up to take them to practice. They are there to cheer on the kids and they develop. They are there to put ice on the bumps and bruises. They are there at the qualifying meets as the kids get older and then they are there at the Olympics when the child competes and finishes, then rushes over to hug mom. OMG that makes me cry every time.

You know like these commercials:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2V-20Qe4M8Y

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57e4t-fhXDs

Best of luck to all the Olympic athletes as we start this great international competition. Here's to the families as well.

 

Just in case you didn't know:  The symbol of the Olympic Games is composed of five interlocking rings, colored blue, yellow, black, green, and red on a white field, known as the "Olympic rings". The symbol was originally designed in 1912 by Baron Pierre de Coubertin, co-founder of the modern Olympic Games. According to Coubertin, the ring colours with the white background stand for those colors that appeared on all the national flags that competed in the Olympic games at that time. Upon its initial introduction, Coubertin stated the following in the August, 1912 edition of Olympique: 

"...the six colors [including the flag’s white background] thus combined reproduce the colors of all the nations, with no exception. The blue and yellow of Sweden, the blue and white of Greece, the tri- colors of France, England and America, Germany, Belgium, Italy, Hungary, the yellow and red of Spain next to the novelties of Brazil or Australia, with old Japan and new China. Here is truly an international symbol."

- Wikipedia.org 

This sucks

Dieting sucks . . . "big toes" a friend of mine would say.

I hate dieting but apparently I can't control myself around food so I have to so something to lose weight. I've tried so many different plans including Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Scarsdale (dating myself on that one) and Atkins (OMG that screwed up my system so bad that I began menstruating out of cycle). The only thing that has ever worked for me was counting calories. UGH.

I hate having to think about how many calories this is or that is. I also hate counting calories because I'm always hungry. BUT it works for me . . . slowly it works for me. Last time I did this dieting thing faithfully I lost 20 lbs. I even kept it off for a while, but then bad habits rolled in and I had a baby so I'm back up to being way way over weight.

I've struggled with my weight since puberty and it is not a fight I look forward to having to help Smiley with. I hope she gets the better weight genes than my Irish/German/American Indian genes that don't help. When I was little you would have never guessed I would be "a big girl". I had knob knees, skinny arms and legs, no belly fat. I ran around all the time and was full of energy.

Damn you puberty!

So please bear with me as I begin fighting with my weight again. I'm not mad at you, I'm just hungry.

My crazy music playlist

The Grammy's were on last night and truthfully I didn't watch them but I am enjoying a variety music on my iPod this morning. I have to say it always makes me laugh about what I have on my iPod when I hit shuffle. I certainly would like to have more music on my iPod but I don't either have the time to add music or I'd rather spend the money on something else.

So I wanted to see what would pop up this morning when I hit shuffle on my iPod. So here we go:

RADIO - The Coors
JEOPARDY - Greg Kihn Band
BREAKAWAY - Kelly Clarkson
HE'S ALIVE - Easter Practice Music
I'M ALRIGHT - Kenny Loggins
IT'S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE - Boyz II Men
BACK IN BLACK - AC/DC
IF I KNEW THEN - Lady Antebellum
CAN'T STOP LOVING YOU - Phil Collins
ALL OUT OF LOVE - Air Supply
HEAD OVER HEELS - Tears for Fears
FAITH - George Michael
SING NOEL/GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN - Christmas Practice Music
URGENT - Foreigner
WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN - Kenny Chesney & Uncle Kracker
LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR - Aerosmith
FUNKYTOWN - Lipps Inc
PER TE - Josh Groban
IN THE RAIN - Kenny G
TEENAGE DREAM - Katy Perry
CELEBRATION - Kool & The Gang
SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT - Corey Hart
THE SKY AND THE DAWN AND THE SUN - Celtic Women
WHAT IS LOVE? - Howard Jones
RHINESTONE COWBOY - Glen Campbell
PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ - Taco
PRICE TAG - Jessie J
COME FLY WITH ME - Michael Buble
FOOLIN' - Def Leppard
BLESS THE BROKEN ROAD - Rascal Flatts
DON'T ASK ME WHY - Billy Joel
OVER YOU - Anne Murray
OWNER OF A LONELY HEART - Yes
WASTED - Carrie Underwood
JESUS HE KNOWS ME - Genesis
WITHOUT YOU - Keith Urban
MAGIC - Olivia Newton John
TIJUANA TAXI - Herb Alpert
THEN THE MORNING COMES - Smash Mouth
ONE FOR MY BABY - Bette Midler
TOMORROW WE'LL SEE - Sting
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT TAKES - Robyn
SOMETHING STUPID - Robbie Williams and Nicole Kidman
EYES ON MY - Celine Dion
LET'S GO - Steve Angrisano
COME & GET IT - Selena Gomez
ALRIGHT - Darius Rucker
LET'S GO CRAZY - Prince & the Revolution
PUT DOWN THAT WEAPON - Midnight Oil
CANDYMAN - Christina Aguilera
ALL ABOUT TONIGHT - Blake Shelton
SO MUCH TO SAY - Dave Matthews Band
I WILL BE HERE FOR YOU - Michael W. Smith
BAD ROMANCE - Lady Gaga

So you get the idea, I've got a wide variety of music on my iPod (with a heavy cover of 80's music and certain artists that I love a lot). It cracks me to up to hear one song after another and how different they can be. Try it, it might make you chuckle.

14 Days of Love

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I was thinking about great ways to share the love with my family. I was inspired by the "12 Days of Christmas" posts I've seen that I was thinking the "14 Days of Love" would be a nice thing to try and maybe make a tradition for my family. I've got just over a week to plan how I'm going to execute this so here is what I've come up with so far.

I found the following website (www.thedatingdivas.com) through Pinterest to help me with my planning. I may not follow all their ideas but I'm sure to incorporate them into my plans. I like day 14 for actually celebrating Valentine's Day (sparkling cider is great because I'm not much for champagne). Most of the plans work great for a significant other but I want things for Smiley.

Last year on Valentine's Day I put big paper hearts up all around the house and I'm pretty sure Smiley didn't even notice. I'm also pretty sure my husband thought I'd lost my mind when he was wondering around the house. So I'm looking for ideas for both Smiley and B-man.

• I did find some heart magnets to put on the frig and Smiley has been playing with them. Should have held them back but I was so excited and she is enjoying them. 
• I'll most likely put hearts up around the house again . . . maybe one a day so that we have 14 total by Valentine's Day. 
• Smiley is too young for candy right now (choking hazard) so I'll avoid that. 
• I think we will make pink cupcakes one day.
• All girls love flowers so I think I'll be giving her flowers at least one of the days -but not right before Valentine's Day - woo too expensive.

• She'll have to send her Valentine's cards out so maybe we will have craft day once.
• Smiley is going to have goodies for her schoolmates so we will have to put those together a few days before, along with teacher presents. And when I say we you know that means me.

Ugh I'm running out of ideas. I know I want to make it fun for her but at 2 I'm limited. I think a scavenger hunt will be fun one day when she's older. Along with a party for her friends. We can make a special dinner for daddy one of these days but right now its not happening.  At least I've got a start on ideas. Any suggestions?

Love in a Reality Show Way

I don't faithfully watch the reality love shows but last night I didn't have choir practice so I took the opportunity to watch The Bachelor. The current Bachelor Juan Pablo, is supposed to be a wonderfully fabulous guy so I tuned in. And yes, oh yes he is a very good looking guy, is well spoken, loves his daughter and has some seriously nice abs. But that is not what had me sucked into the show.

What got me was the reactions by the women who are participating in the show. This is the 18th season for The Bachelor. You don't have to watch the entire season to understand how it works. ABC chooses one handsome/wealthy/talented guy to woo 25 to 30 women living under 1 roof. He chooses several women to go on "one-on-one" dates and the rest he goes on group dates with and slowly eliminates women he isn't connecting with at the rose ceremony. The purpose of the show, to allow this bachelor to find his potential perfect mate.

What has me puzzled about this show is all the women who participate know how it works (they always know who the bachelor is from seeing him on a previous season of the show. So why, oh why do they get so upset and at least one of them breaks down saying "I didn't know it would be this hard to share him"? Every season several ladies break down in tears and say that.

I know you can't fully understand something until you go through it but think logically ladies. But lets break this down: You are 1 of 25/30 women in one house trying to get one on one time with this handsome guy. He either chooses you for a private date or you have to fight for his attention in the group date. Come time for the rose ceremony the ladies know there are more girls than roses. Each week you see girls fighting for his attention, doing anything they can to stand out and then you see girls being sent home and they are in tears. How do you think you are going to handle it? Everyone will crack under the pressure cooker that this situation. Even the strongest person is going to have moments of weakness.

I am always amazed when there is one girl who sits there with a smug look on her face and starts to talk nasty about another girl who has gotten the lucky chance to have a one-on-one date with Mr. Wonderful. It never fails that she will say "I'm not jealous". Seriously if you are not jealous then what do you call your behavior? Oh and then some other girl will end up in the bathroom crying to her new BFF that she didn't know it would be so hard to share him with all these other women? WHAT? Is it in your contract to be dramatic and say something like that? Are you really that naive? Come on ladies - just suck it up and say "I was hoping I wasn't going to be "THAT" girl (you know the one who gets her feeling hurt)". I would have more support for you for being real and just saying hey it happens, let me blow my nose and wash my face and get back out there and smile my little butt off.

Is he really the one? Is he worth going through all this? If he is, shouldn't you feel comfortable with the situation and know in your head and heart that hes going to pick you in the end. Oh sure you can be jealous, just admit it. Come out and say it, you are smitten with him so seeing him kiss another girl is going to make you jealous.

Hopefully Juan Pablo will find the woman of his dreams and they will all live happily ever after. . . somehow I'm not sold. But ABC is because I'm sure they are already in the works for the next season of Bachelorette and then will be onto the next season of Bachelor.

Trying to break the habit . . . eating too fast.

One of my "goals" this year (no I won't say resolution) is to get healthier and hopefully lose weight. I know I have several personal struggles ahead of me like 1) I love carbs, 2) I have a sweet tooth, 3) I eat later than I should so I can eat with my husband, and 4) I eat too fast. I've tried to attack all of them with a different mindset and while each have their own challenges I am finding eating too fast is the worst of them. Eating too fast - ok stop smurking at me. Yes I eat too fast. I know I do. It is a bad habit I picked up 22 years ago.

Back in May of 1992 I joined the local rescue squad to make a difference in the world and learn a skills. Who would have thought that while I earned my EMT certification I also earned the ability to eat fast. This is not a skill that I intended to pick up but it came out of necessity.

I didn't always eat fast but when I joined the squad I learned that sometimes the only way to get food into your system was on the run. Eating in an ambulance is a no no (especially in the box) so I learned to eat what was put in front of me quickly. You never know when the tones are going to go off again and when you will get to eat something. Food was something to be consumed, not really tasted or enjoyed in my mind. Heartburn was almost always a bonus that I got with eating. And truthfully I put eating off as long as I could because it became a challenge instead of a joy.

To add to the wonderful joy of not knowing when I'm going to be able to eat something again on shift another problem pops up. Bathroom breaks, you gotta go when you can. As a woman it is a little harder for me to use the bathroom in the great out doors with privacy, decorum and speed. So when you need to go, don't wait - just go. I've always suffered from itty bitty bladder syndrome. Mom use to limit my drinks when we traveled because I was that kid that as soon as we got a mile from the house "MOM I HAVE TO GO" would come out of my mouth. Needless to say I ran into my fair share of issues on the ambulance. OMG I thought I was going to die after a 5 hour structure fire. I made the mistake of not stopping by the bathroom on the way out the door. I'm sure my kidneys were calling me all sorts of names.

Needless to say my attitude became adding food + itty bitty bladder syndrome = who wants to eat or drink on shift?! Adding to the joy that is my body, I also suffer from an extreme case of IBS. Yes I've been to the doctor and had all the tests, so medically I have been diagnosed with IBS. I'm not going to delve deep into what IBS is (that is what Google searching is for) but it doesn't add to my desire to eat on shift. Want another fun tidbit? I'm also lactose intolerant. Again, you can do the searching and the math as to what fun it is for my digestive system. So with all this "fun" going on in my digestive system you can imagine why eating fast was a necessity. Sadly it is a habit I still have today. I'm trying to break the habit and eat slowly like the normal people do but man it is hard.
 

According to the New York Times article written by C. Clairborne Ray, and published May 6, 2013, "The risks of simple indigestion and gastroesophageal reflux disease are frequently cited as reasons to follow your mother’s advice and enjoy a leisurely meal.There is also some evidence linking speedy eating to disruption of chemical signals of fullness, leading to over consumption and obesity. In one small study, presented by Medical University of South Carolina researchers at a digestive disease conference in 2003, 20 healthy adults had their acid reflux levels tested after both 5-minute and 30-minute meals of a chicken burger, french fries and a 16-ounce carbonated beverage. The participants had 10 reflux episodes when they ate slowly and 14 when they ate quickly. A 2008 study in The Journal of the American Dietetic Association examined the feeling of fullness in 30 healthy women when they ate fast and slow meals on separate days. The fast meals resulted in higher caloric intake but less satisfaction. Long-term effects of fast eating on weight gain were examined in a 2006 Japanese study using questionnaires filled out by 3,737 men and 1,005 women. The faster they reported eating, the higher their reported body mass index and the greater the increase since the age of 20."

Ugh, well needless to say I have an uphill battle but I think if I can get myself to slow down when I eat then I just may be able to lose some weight and get rid of my frequent heartburn.

A hand model I will never be...

I love fun and funky nail polish. My favorite colors are blues and purples so as you may guess, pale pink is not for me. I almost always have my toe nails painted a fun color (Heck I even tried orange one time).

***CONFESSION TIME: Right now my toe nails are not painted (oh the horror). What? Don't judge me. Are yours done? It's only because I haven't really put forth the time to do it. I promise little piggies I will have you decorated very soon.

I found the following really cool paint colors that I would love to do to my toe nails.

Aren't they really cool - I love the silver ones the best. Sadly my finger nails won't ever look like these hand models nails do. Why you ask? Because I have crappy nails that's why. They are short (even shorter than the model's nails, well except one or two here and there - usually my pinky or my ring finger), brittle and split all the time. I don't have pretty nails and I know it. I took a picture of my hand to include in this post and I couldn't do it because they were so crappy (and the cuticles looked so crappy). Ugh I need a manicure.

I have never had pretty nails. OK that is a lie Ashley, you have had pretty nails twice in your life. The first time was when I broke my arm in the 7th grade. I had long and pretty nails on my right arm. Just my right arm (there is the kicker). That arm was casted for forever and a day so they just grew (didn't hurt that there was so much extra calcium being sent to that part of my body to help the bones heal that it was a win win situation for my right hand). Sadly the cast came of after the good portion of a year and they broke. It was a sad day in Mudville boys and girls.

The second time I had nails was when I bought and paid for them. Yep I had fake nails . . . and so did every other girl in my college. And were they pretty? Heck yeah! I would pick a fancy french manicure (with pink tips) or a holiday theme (sometimes even adding a decal or sparkly). The colors were great fun too. I loved picking out the names of the colors (OPI has great names for their colors . . . "Bastille My Heart", "Pink Before You Leap", "I'm Not Really A Waitress" , "A-Piers To Be Tan" and "Ski Teal We Drop") for my nails, so much that sometimes the name was entertaining enough that I wanted to wear the color so people would ask me the name of the color. I kept them squared and not too long, probably a little longer than the sliver nail polish chick. It was great . . . that was until I got into week 2 mark. You know when you are getting ready to have a fill appointment. By that time they were starting to pull up on the sides and break off. And trust me that hurts. Anyone who has ever had a fake nail break on them or even pop on them - oooh that stings. I even got infections of the nail bed because of the lifting and pulling up (even with being double primed). So I said no thanks, for the cost I'm paying they should stay better. Bye bye pretty nails. It wasn't even the nail lady's fault it was my crappy nails being bad hosts.

I was excited when I learned I was pregnant with Smiley because I was sure I would have pretty nails finally. I was good at drinking my milk, my OJ and faithfully taking those nasty horse pills they call prenatal vitamins. Guess what? I was denied! No pretty nails.

I had heard that after a baby is born your body changes (I've seen it happen to women I know - no not the whole belly and butt change - I've seen hair get thicker and darker on some people) so I kept my fingers crossed and hoped that I would get my pretty nails after she was born. Much to my surprise (I don't know why I had wished for it) my nails began to get longer (all of them!) But mother nature has a great sense of humor. Sure she gave me these neat new nails but she also gave me a newborn with soft tender skin that I didn't want to scar up. I wasn't use to this little bundle of sweetness or the nails and I kept scratching Smiley. Like a good mumzie I cut my new nails (wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh) for the sake of my child (hum must remember to use that one when she is a teenager). Big Time Sad Face!!!

So to this day (Smiley is 2 now) I do not have pretty nails. My mom did not have pretty nails. My sister doesn't have pretty nails. My dad has BEAUTIFUL long and hard nails. I even told him to cut them recently because I was jealous. Sad I know but it is my life. My husband keeps his nails short so I don't know what kind of nails he has, but his mom has long pretty nails so hopefully Smiley will inherit her nails and not mine.

So for those of you who have nails know that I'm jealous. Yes I look at your hands longingly. No I don't feel bad you when you say you need to cut them. Secretly I'm happy when one of them breaks (sorry its the truth - rotten as I am - it's the truth).

I went online to look up to see if there were an posted causes of brittle, splitting nails and one source said that it had to do with a thyroid problem. Maybe that is true but I will never know. My mom had a hyperactive thyroid so she was super skinny all her life so that might explain why she didn't have pretty nails. I get tested regularly by my doctor but the tests all come back as my thyroid is fine. Sigh guess I'll just have to be one of those women who will never have long pretty nails.

So as I mentioned in the tag line, a hand model I will never be, but a girl can dream anyway. Now time to pick out the color for my toes (which I sadly have to admit are hard as rocks - oh the Irony). Anyone need to borrow my nail clippers?

Sewing . . . No Can Do

I consider myself to be a crafty kind of person. I command a glue gun like a pro. I love to go to Michaels so much that my husband teases me that I need to be supervised when I go. I can make/repair jewelry. I can even do counted cross stitch. I even took a class on how to make stained glass designs and was great at handling the soldering iron. Yet I've never master the art of the sewing machine.

Oh sure like most people I look the required classes in middle school and we made all sorts of things but I never really learned how to sew. I don't know the basics which is really sad. My mom has a very nice sewing machine and could do the basics but I never learned. I really would like to be able to do things with the sewing machine. I spend lots of free time on Pinterest and see all these great ideas for things that require basic use of the sewing machine and I actually get sad because I can't do the project. I really do need to do something about it. I'm not looking to be able to make my own clothes but I'd like to be able to hem things and do basic things on the sewing machine. Joann Fabrics and Michaels would both be places I'd need supervision if I could master the basics.

I see that my local Joann Fabrics Store offers a 2 1/2 hour class on sewing basics for $35. Maybe I should try that and then just buy fabric and practice. Suggestions from any long time sewers?

My Dream Job

I love this quote because really it is true!

How many of us are doing what we love and how many of us are doing what we know because it pays the bills? For those of you doing what you love, congrats! I am very jealous. Needless to say I work at a job not my career. Why? Because I don't really know what I want to be when I grow up (well besides a ToysRUs kid). With that said, I do have an idea of what my dream job would be, you know if I was rich and could just start a business from scratch without worry. 

YOU: So Ashley what is your dream job? 

ME: I'm glad you asked . . . I would be a personal party planner. 

How many of you were shocked at that revelation? Hands up. You in the back a little higher I can't see you.

Not a real shock to those who know we too well. I love to plan and put together a party. I love to entertain (big or small). I get that from my mom. I get great enjoyment out of planning and executing a party. Then I love to watch the party happen and see how people react to what I've created. I love every little bit of it . . .  from picking a theme (usually comes pretty quickly to me), to the food and drinks (hours and hours are spent on that aspect), to the decorations (probably my favorite part and I think I spend more time looking into decorations that planning on the food) and finally to the little knickknacks and giveaways. Oh how I love it. The only part I don't like is the clean up afterwards. I mean by the time the party is over I'm pooped and frankly who likes to do the dishes and pick up the trash? If you do well then when I become rich and start this business you have a job! Wait a second, come to think of it if I had my own business it would be because I was rich and I would already have enough money to hire someone to do the clean up. Score - problem solved!

I don't know the name of this company yet but I do know one thing about it. It would be for small private gatherings not the big huge record launch parties I'll be invited to attend (remember I'm rich by this time so I go to rich people's parties). Oh sure big grand parties are fun but I just like the feel of a smaller personal party. Now don't get this confused with an event planner . . . no no no that's too much headache with trying to find the location, talking with the chef to plan the menu, ordering the linens, designing the set up, getting the bartender and the DJ and on and on. This will be different because I will have the creative control for the party. My clients are just too busy to put together the party for themselves but they know kind of what they want and they are comfortable with me creating an exciting party for them with a little input. I know it sounds like I'm a control freak but hey, it's my company and those are my rules. 

These parties would be held at a private residence or a small venues (that are like a home away from home). I love coming into a home and using the already existing structure and furnishing as part of the decor. An example is when I throw a party at the house (well actually I mean at my dad's house) I incorporate things like the columns, flow of the house and the ceilings into consideration for party planning.  What? My townhouse is just too small and quiet frankly my mom designed her house to be a place for entertaining so I use it as she wanted. Oh sure you have to move some tables here and there but having a hard shell with furniture is so much better than rented round tables and crappy rental chairs with a long head table (blah blah blah). It gives your party that homey/personal feel which is what I would want for your husband's 40th birthday fiesta or your best friend's baby shower or even junior's 8th birthday party. Don't forget mom and dad's 30th wedding anniversary or your family reunion.

I love to go onto Pinterest and find various ideas for my party planning business. If you are ever on my page, check out my board entitled PARTY IDEAS. I have pulled from so many different Pinterest pins that I could plan a neon night party, a jungle safari, a princess party or a monster madness party. Oh the options are endless from the tableware, to balloons, to feathers, food, drinks, set up and invitations.

 Something like this:

 

So what would your dream job be? Money is no object (meaning you already have an income to pay the bills) and you want to so something for a living that would allow you the creative freedom you have always wanted? No dream is silly in my book. Now I just have to win the lottery so I can quit my job and start my career!

My PSA for the day shall be called : A+ Ashley

Throughout my life I have known many people who faithfully give blood. My friend Nancy has been donating blood regularly for as long and I've known her (and that is a long long long time). She tried to convince me to donate blood on many occasions and I just couldn't do it. I have this fear of needles that goes deep and it has kept me from doing many a thing. I won't even watch when they draw my blood at the doctor's office. I never went to get that tattoo because I'm afraid of needles. I'd never given blood because I just couldn't do it. Good thing I changed my majors from Pre-Med to History in college because it wouldn't do for a doctor to pass out while trying to start and IV right?!

After years of watching Nancy give blood and helping to host blood drives at the rescue squad I finally got the courage up to give blood. I think it was more after a long night of staffing and no sleep she convinced me to give blood. So we went to give blood and they tested me with a finger prick and the test said my iron levels were too low. They did it again and still too low. They did it again (I guess they really wanted me blood) through a different test and I just barely passed by the hair of my chinny chin chin. So I mentally prepared to have this large needle drove into my arm to such out all my blood (just kidding but seriously that is what my mind thought the process would be like). After a slightly painful stick I sat there and just chatted away about our evening on the ambulance and the plans for the day (which included a long nap once I got home). Blood was collected, OJ was given and cookies too. Time passed and it was ok for me to go, I got up and sat right back down. Whew the room was spinning and my legs were really weak. Time for me to lay down and get my BP taken. I don't recall the numbers but yes it was low. After probably 15 min of laying there I was allowed to sit up, drink a coke and go. Ha ha just kidding - woozie again. Must be due to the lack of sleep right? Right! More coke, more relaxing and then I was allowed to go. I was better but teased about giving blood and being a wimp.

About 2 years later we were having a blood donation at work and I signed up for my time slot. I got plenty of sleep the night before, ate my red meat and ate a good breakfast. I confidently sat in the chair. Had the finger prick and again I was just barely cleared to give blood based on my iron levels. I sat there, big girl faced the needle stick. Chatted away with the people giving blood. Got my coke and cookies and went to go back to my desk. Only 30 min had passed and all was good. . . that was until I stood up. Got weak in the legs, the room started spinning and 2 nurses (yep I got 2 of them) came straight to my chair. Laid me down and said relax. I got another coke and a cool wet towel (man I must have given them a real fright). I know I have pale skin (say thank you to my Irish heritage) but I can really get white when I don't feel well and it scares a few people. So I must have gotten really white for them to jump into action like that. Anyway, I ended up spending an hour with them trying to recover. The nurse asked me if this had ever happened before so I recounted the first time I gave blood. She then said, are you anemic? I said the doctor said I am slightly anemic during the regular days and during "that special time" I am very much anemic. Well the nurse said that you very much for your donation today but don't ever give blood again. You will DFO (Done Fall Out) every time and your blood isn't worth all that.

So if you can, please donate blood today. Many people need it and some of us can't give it. Oh and if you are a first time donator you usually get a cool T-shirt.

Also how cool is this. I was just on the American Red Cross website and they have teamed up with Keebler to donate cookies based on blood dontations. Keebler® expects to donate around six million cookies a year. That’s six million delicious reasons to donate blood. And one simple way you can make a difference